My nipple is on Facebook.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
