wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Blood and glitter go together right?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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