We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
