so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
