i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
