Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
How drunk are you?
Completed.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
