I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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