Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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