Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
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if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I would ride that face into the sunset
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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