I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
