he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
