so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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