Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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