So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
