Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
