Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
