Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
