I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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