Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
