hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Pooping to opera.
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