his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
