so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What drink are we having for lunch?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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