38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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