I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
