she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
