He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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