she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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