He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
