I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
