Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
