omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
