you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
