I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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