I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
