I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
