I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
