Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
