The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
