There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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