Are we in a gay sports bar?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
