Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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