i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
