i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
