I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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