eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
