Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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