I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
