butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
