things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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