God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
