i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
