True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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