fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
