it glows. i had to have it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
