I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
