Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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