Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
