so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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