You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
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I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
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When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
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