I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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