I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize