Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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