Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
