If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
