how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
