Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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