me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
