My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
