I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
