You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
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Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
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Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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